Throughout a promotional interview for Metro In Dino, Anupam Kher questioned the rising tendency to normalise friendships with ex-partners. He mentioned, “Ye toh bada easy bana rahe hein cheezon ko. Aise aasani se bol rahe hei ki mai ex ke saath jaana chahta hun, present mere saath hai. So informal about it…Once you permit anyone else to be associates together with your ex…they’ve been intimate with one another.”
His concern was not moralistic however deeply emotional as a result of ex-partners carry intimacy, reminiscences, and shared historical past—issues that don’t disappear just because a relationship ends.
How does this work in the actual world?
In keeping with Dr Ashish Pandey, Counselling Psychologist at Mano Srijan Wellness Centre, Kanpur, anticipating companions to be fully comfy with their vital different sustaining friendships with exes is usually unrealistic. “Such expectations ignore pure emotional boundaries,” he explains. Even when intentions are real, ex-partners can set off insecurity, comparability, or vulnerability in a present relationship. What issues greater than compelled consolation, he says, is transparency, mutually agreed boundaries, respect for feelings, and reassurance.
In fashionable relationship discourse, jealousy is usually dismissed as an indication of insecurity or emotional immaturity. Dr Pandey disagrees with this oversimplification. When an ex nonetheless has emotional entry, the mind registers it as threat, not weak spot, he elaborates. “Jealousy turns into unhealthy solely when it controls behaviour. When it indicators the necessity for reassurance and readability, it’s truly wholesome,” he notes.
On previous intimacy
From a psychological lens, previous intimacy doesn’t merely vanish when folks declare they’ve “moved on,” says Dr Pandey. He explains that the mind doesn’t delete emotional experiences—it shops them. Shared reminiscences depart behind neural pathways, attachment imprints, and emotional reflexes. Even when aware emotions fade, implicit reminiscence stays.
“Because of this familiarity with an ex can nonetheless really feel emotionally charged, previous patterns can resurface throughout stress, and unconscious comparisons happen.” True shifting on, Dr Pandey emphasises, comes from processing the previous, not avoiding it.”
So how can {couples} differentiate between wholesome belief and emotional overexposure, particularly when ex-partners stay within the social circle?
Wholesome belief is constructed on transparency with out secrecy, clear boundaries agreed upon by each companions, emotional loyalty, and a way of prioritisation, elaborates Dr Pandey. “If an interplay with an ex creates confusion, comparability, secrecy, or emotional displacement, it has crossed a boundary. Belief doesn’t imply limitless openness—it means creating emotional security whereas respecting psychological actuality. In that sense, Anupam Kher’s discomfort displays not conservatism, however a recognition of how deeply human feelings truly work.”
DISCLAIMER: This text is predicated on info from the general public area and/or the specialists we spoke to.
